‘Cause I’m a 1978 woman…

BACON!!!

BACON!!!

Last week a Facebook friend shared a blog post that referenced the 1978’s ad for the cologne Enjoli with their catchy ear-worm of a jingle.  For you young’uns, the ad went:

I can bring home the bacon,
Fry it up in the pan,
And never let you forget you’re a man.
‘Cause I’m a woooooman, Enjoli.

The original blog post noted that this was an unattainable standard for modern women, where we’re expected to do it all and be “on” 24×7.  Back in 1978 (when I was 13), the ad totally appealed. Well, except for the cologne, it totally appealed.  I was more of a Loves Baby Soft wearing kinda gal back then. But the message did filter through my teen brain:  I too could be a tough-as-nails corporate woman, with my mega shoulder pad suit jacket, and a peplum, because clearly my butt isn’t big enough and requires fabric enhancement. And I could cook!  And I could throw on an evening dress and rock my man’s world! Have it all! Do it all! Yeah!

The ad continues to appeal to me today because BACON.  But my theme-song now is:

I can bring home the box of pre-cooked BACON,
Nuke it in the microwave,
Netflix and Chill. Maybe. If I’m in the mood.
‘Cause I’m over 50 and give zero fucks, Enjoli.

Or maybe this:

I can bring home the curbside carry-out,
Eat it straight from the container,
Swipe right or throw some batteries in the BOB.
‘Cause I’m a wooooman, Enjoli.

Is that a little too Leethu? Or maybe not enough Leethu? Make up your own lyrics and post them below!

Audio Books and Mini Golf

So my hump-day post is a day late.  Yep. That’s how I roll lately.

It’s August. The kids start school on Monday. It’s always bittersweet – the end of summer fun, but also the end of the “I’m bored” chorus. To celebrate, we’re all heading out to a local arcade to play putt-putt in the 90 degree heat, then retreat to Whack-A-Mole and skeeball inside.  I’m not particularly good at skeeball, but I love playing, so I’ll throw away $20 and divide any tickets I win between the boys so they can upgrade that shark pencil topper to three green plastic army men or perhaps a Chinese finger trap.

In Dead Risingother news, I’ve hit the release button on the Dead Rising audio. Wait – don’t rush to grab your wallets yet.  Audible needs a few weeks to quality check the files and prep them for distribution.  I’ll let everyone know as soon as it’s available.  The voice of Aria for this series is Elizabeth Phillips, and she’s already hard at work on Last Breath narration.  We’ll have all three Templar books in audio this fall, and quickly move on to produce Famine’s Feast once it’s released.

Angela Rysk and I have been communicating about the audio book for Exodus.  I know you all are chomping at the bit for that one, but she has another project she’s finishing up. I’m expecting it will be available for sale November sometime, so hang in there.

Revisions on Two Souls are coming along nicely!  Beta reader feedback on the first third had been positive. At this point I’m tweaking the final third and re-writing the two last battle scenes.  It looks like that one will release in September, then I will be turning my attention back to the Imp World with an Amber novella and a Nyalla short story.

So, if you all will excuse me, I have two starving hellhounds and two starving children to feed, then it’s off to mini-golf!

Dog Days of Early-August

Bones 2

Bones, Hellhound #1

When it’s 95 degrees out, I lose all motivation to do anything with my personal appearance.  Why fuss with make-up when it just melts off your face? Hair? Cute clothing? It’s all sweaty and plastered to me anyway.  Why even bother to shower when ten minutes later I’m just as nasty as before? Yes, I have air conditioning, but I DO need to walk the dogs and run the kids here-and-there, and maybe get to and from my car whilst grocery shopping. Plus I’m an outdoors kinda gal.  I like to write on the back patio. But not when it’s a freakin million degrees. Luckily the hounds don’t care if I look like a total disaster.  As long as I pet them and put kibble in the bowl, it’s all good.

Fantasy-E-book-Giveaway-4-copy-1

Okay. Pity party over.  Exodus releases on Monday. I’m in the middle of revisions on my sci-fi novel. I’m reviewing audio files for Dead Rising. And then there’s THIS.  A giveaway for a Kindle and 30 Fantasy e-books including Dead Rising!  You’ll want to throw your hat in the ring for this one.


And in the spirit of freebies, you’ll want to pick up a copy of this incredible box set – Urban Mythic.  Thirteen full length novels! Free! A Demon Bound is in there along with some other great reading. Just click on the picture and one click that puppy!


Also free right now is this anthology of sci-fi short stories.  Two Souls (Twenty Sectors Series I) will release this fall and there’s a prequel short in here as well as lots of other prequels to get you ready to grab your pulse pistol and head for the stars. The picture leads you to it!

Not enough free?  Make sure you’re signed up for Debra’s Demons or my New Release List because there will be a Nyalla short story this fall that you all will get for free.  Freeeeee!  See?  I think the heat has affected my brain!

 

July Roundup

Exodus - 3DFirst…Exodus.  It’s back from the editor and being loaded up this week for pre-orders.  It’s already available on iTunes, and should be up for pre-order soon on Amazon, Smashwords, and Kobo.  I will have it available at B&N and Google Play, but not as a pre-order, so if you shop there, you’ll just have to put a little note on your planner for August 15th.

Last night I compiled my sales numbers and analytics for July, because the Corporate Gal in me likes to do that sort of thing. Summer is typically a slow time for book sales, and it was slow for me because my last release was Bare Bones in mid May.  Still, I was interested to see that in the US the Templar Series tends to sell approx. 50% as well as the Imp Series, but in the UK the Templar Series does between 70-80% of the Sam books.  Read through from book 1 to book 2 is hard to track since A Demon Bound is free right now.  It used to be 70% of those who bought book 1 went on to buy book 2, but with it free, I’m finding in the US that book 2 sales are about 10% of book 1 downloads.  In the UK, that’s more like 23%. Which makes me believe that we Yanks are a bunch of free book hoarders. Given the number of freebies on my TBR list, I’m guilty of that too. The good news is after book 2, read through is roughly 90%. That’s a lot of reader dedication – and I’m very grateful for you Imp lovers out there!

In other news, my narrator is making progress on the audio edition of Dead Rising.  I’ll let everyone know when it’s out, but we plan to have the whole Templar Series in audio by late fall.  I’ll be contracting Exodus in Audio next week, too.

airstreamThen there’s this.  I’m still a little obsessed with campers – obsessed enough that I did a Craigslist search over the weekend.  Luckily for my wallet, the 2004 Airstream Bambi 16′ beauty that was advertised turned out to be the camper equivalent of a Nigerian Prince scam.  Seems there are weasels out there who lure you in with stock photos and a reasonable price, only to tell you the camper is out in Godforsaken City, Idaho on an Air Force base or in a storage facility while the owner is off valiantly serving their country.  They’ll perform a transfer of the trailer to the nearest Air Force base to me, then have it towed it to my house for NO CHARGE!!! as long as I put 3/4 of the sale price down through ebay motors, etc.  Totally refundable if I don’t want the trailer.  Because that’s so above board, and nice of them to transfer it across the country and tow it back and forth on their dime with no obligation at all.

How about no?  So my camper dreams remain dreams right now.  Maybe someday when HBO options the Imp Series I’ll buy a ginormous Airstream and cruise around the country with the two hellhounds, living the writerly nomadic existence.  So get cracking, folks!  Let those HBO people know they need some Sam in their line-up!

Words from the Hump

I’m going to try to get back to regular blogs and decided hump day was the best for me to gather my thoughts and stick them on my website.  So here I am, with 15 minutes left in Wednesday, putting together my blog post.  I’m sure you can tell I was the student writing her English papers at three in the morning the day before they were due.

This is what I’m working on now, since Exodus is with the editor and won’t be back until the firsTwoSouls_HighRest of August.  It’s part one of a sci-fi trilogy that has been burning a hole in my brain for a while.  Lots of aliens, political intrigue. The main POV is a third son of the Emperor of Sol, and… well, you’ll just have to wait and see.  There are some freighters that have vanished and what happened to them is bigger than anything the various races in the Twenty Sectors have ever experienced.  Fun stuff. (Cover by Kanaxa, btw.  Isn’t it beautiful?)

Book 1 (Two Souls) should be releasing October some time, with books two and three coming out next year.  If the series does well, there might be spin-off novels on some of the other characters, or additional stories on the two main characters.

In between all that, I find myself obsessing over campers. I have this weird ritual at our county fair where I go to the RV/camper display and wander through all the models, daydreaming about running away and living out of one, off the grid, escaping my life. Then I realize that they’re really darned small, and where would I put my two giant hellhounds, and two ponies, and kids, and taxes and bills and microwavable burritos and my jumbo sized washer and dryer and the kayak I just bought…

But this past weekend I went camping with my two youngest boys.  Camping, as in TENT camping, because that’s the only kind of camping I’ve ever done in my life and the whole camper/RV thing is for wimps who can’t deal with the Real Outdoors.  The only problem is I’m now over 50, and no matter what kind of camping pad or inflatable thingamajig I put under my sleeping bag I’m still waking up every ten minutes feeling like my hip has shattered into little pieces under me.  By six AM I’ve had a total of two hours of sleep and I feel like someone drove over me with a truck.  I swear to Glom this was not the way I felt twenty years ago.  Heck, it wasn’t the way I felt two years ago.  I used to tent it All The Time. I once did a 3 day bike/camp trip on the C&O canal. I used to backpack/camp.  Just a few years ago I did a 7 day horse back riding pack-trip in the Grand Tetons.  And now I can’t manage to sleep a weekend in a tent without being ready to confess national secrets by Sunday morning.

I’m now eyeing up campers.  Mattress. Dinette. Fridge. And a toilet, because at my age, middle-of-the-night potty trips are a fact of life.

I always longed for an Airstream, or a cute refurbished Shasta. Anyone else own a camper they want to suggest I look at?  16′ or less please, because although the Beast can tow the world, I don’t want to be hauling down the highway with a Ford Excursion towing a 32′ bumper pull.