Sweetie has worked hard this year on getting a law passed in Maryland that allows a special class of license for Farm Breweries.  It’s a good thing.  It supports agri-tourism in Maryland.  It gives farmers one more avenue to pursue to turn a profit on what has unfortunately become a back breaking and low profit business.  It helps the environment by providing locally brewed beer, with locally grown ingredients to locals.  I’m green with jealousy, not because Sweetie is opening a Farmhouse Brewery, but because he’s suddenly become a rock-star.

In the last nine months, Sweetie has been interviewed in feature articles in papers all over Maryland.  He’s been on TV at least three times that I can recall.  Washington DC news, no less.  Yes, he helped craft the bill.  Yes, he was part of the team that met early on with delegates, and gave an impressive speech full of facts and figures before the State Senate in support of the bill.  But the reasons Sweetie wasn’t a one-hit-wonder in the local media are that he’s engaging, enthusiastic, and articulate.  Just what a reporter wants.  And he’s a hottie.  It helps to look smoking in a Carhartt coat while standing in a hop field.  It’s not a look I could pull off.

I’ve tried to catch a ride on his coat tails, but I’m not sure how I can link my not-yet-published novel to a bill providing special brewery licenses to qualifying farmers.  Legislation clearly gets the media attention, and although I can’t tug on the same heartstrings that hardworking farmers, mom, and apple pie can, there IS something I can grab onto.  Labor law.  Years in corporate human resources have provided me a perfect opportunity to propose meaningful legislation.  Legislation that can change a vampire’s life.  Legislation that can get me some publicity.

I’m going to propose a Vampire Rights Bill.  Clearly they are a disadvantaged group, and their vampiric condition may qualify them for accommodations under the Americans With Disabilities Act.  We’ll ask for a special room where vampires can drink blood away from the gawking gaze of fellow employees.  Reasonable consideration for shift changes so they can be safely in the coffin by the time the sun rises.  Workplace policies banning the cooking of garlic-laden foods in the company microwave.  Mandated sensitivity training so managers and fellow employees understand the long and glorious history of the vampire race, and learn how to better interact with them at the copier and the company picnic.  I’ll be all over the local news, and next year I can introduce the same legislation for werewolves.  I’ll work my way through all the supernatural creatures, and become a recognized authority.  I’ll move on to the federal stage and have a guest spot on Good Morning America.  Yeah.

Congrats Sweetie!  And next time you’re on TV, maybe you can hold up the cover of my not-yet-published book and point at it frequently.