A letter to all Imp Series readers from the Iblis:
I’ve done my best, but I’m sure you’ve guessed by now that the elves are not going to hold to their agreement. I’m working on it, but I’ve got a lot on my plate right now, including those 495 reports I neglected to complete while I was banished. So just in case you find yourself lured into an elven trap, here are some travel tips to make your stay in Hel more enjoyable.
1. Determine which elf kingdom you’ve had the misfortune of stumbling into and get the f–k out. (profanity edited by webmaster) Click HERE for a map.
- I know my handwriting sucks and I’m not exactly Rand McNally, but it’s better than nothing.
- Yes, I know I spelled desert wrong. I was in a hurry. If it helps you to think of a section of Hel covered in whipped cream, then go right ahead. Trust me, Dis covered in whipped cream would be a huge improvement.
2. If you find yourself captured by elves, here are a few key phrases that might come in handy.
- Lleir hineina bestaelle Wythyn rinc nam winsetl folla tham (Wythyn troops slipped over the border and ambushed us)
- Westhdaelle forbaelyna unyern (The west side of the forest caught on fire this morning)
- Fleonlyn! Fleonlyn! (Run away! Run away!)
3. The best way to survive an encounter by a demon is to convince him something far more interesting/tasty than you is in the opposite direction.
- “Congratulations! You’ve been selected as a Grand Prize winner in the Megapower Sweepstakes Drawing. To claim this valuable prize, just continue to walk three miles east and look for a red flower with blue leaves. Our special prize patrol will meet you there with your winnings.